Tuesday night Chris and I suspected that Tacia was not eating her food, but we both thought that she was probably sneaking Duke’s food instead. After all, each dog seems to like the other dog’s food better.

On Wednesday, I was very careful to monitor who was eating which food and it became clear that Duke was eating all of the Duke food and Tacia’s food was left untouched. Chris immediately decided to feed her some chicken, just to be sure that she got something to eat, but she still seemed relatively normal. I did have to ask her to come to bed with me when I went, which was unusual, but I still did not think much of it.

Around five yesterday morning, as I was trying to round out a sixth hour of sleep, Chris woke me up asking me to feed Tacia more chicken as soon as I got up because he did not think that she was doing well. His grave tone and demeanor led me to immediately crawl out of bed. I found her lethargic on the floor with a bowl of chicken in front of her and Chris by her side. Chris and I sat, trying to feed her, until he had to leave for work.

When Chris left, I cried. I was scared. I was selfish. I was worried about being home with her alone if she didn’t make it through the day.

Eventually, she stood up. I felt so hopeful. She walked a few steps, then collapsed into a heap on the floor. My sudden burst of optimism immediately dissolved. I moved her food and water to her side and sat by her in the floor telling her that she was a good girl. Now and then I tried to feed her, but she refused to take any food after Chris left.

By the time it got light out, I was sure that her condition was only going to decline. The day proceeded in a similar fashion, with Chris making two trips home from work mid-day to try his hand at feeding her something. It was among the most heart wrenching days that I can recall.

When Chris finally came home from work, I felt so relieved that he made it in time and I was selfishly glad that he would be there with me when it happened. I am almost certain that Tacia was waiting for Chris.

Before the sun set, our friend Bryan brought over his backhoe so the he and Chris could prepare for the inevitable. As Chris left the house, he joked that Tacia would be around for another five years as soon as they got to work with the backhoe. I hoped that he was right, but several minutes later the time came.

Chris and I were both pretty upset, but I fear that it will be worst on Duke. She was his companion and the only constant in his life. They spend each day together and sleep side by side every night. When we left Duke at the kennel for nearly a month to go to Africa, Tacia was with him, sharing a stall. When we went to India, Tacia moved to New Jersey with him. She has always been there for him and it broke my heart to hear Duke cry as the guys took Tacia away.

I know that Chris and I will be ok, but I wish that we could explain to Duke that she was a lot older than him and that she had many wonderful adventures before he knew her. I hope he is not too lonely.

Duke, we will get you a puppy someday. For now, please do not chew on the baby like it is Tacia’s ear, Kai will not find it as endearing as Tacia did.

Kai and I had big plans yesterday. We saw the dentist, the pediatrician, and made a special trip to the pediatrics ward of our local hospital for a car seat study.

Since Kai was born four weeks early, she was considered a preemie and was required to complete a car seat study before she could be discharged from the hospital to ensure that she was big enough for her seat to be safe. Unfortunately, she failed it, twice, and was sent home with a loaner car bed, which essentially looks like a box that she lays in and gets strapped to. Yesterday, after passing the test, she finally graduated to a ‘normal’ car seat! (And got the ok to ride in the car seat on the jogging stroller!)

Ok, so more about yogurt. Last week Maria from A Life to Bragg About blogged about some interesting flavors of yogurt that she made at home. Her post, coupled with Branny’s Cookie Dough Hummus recipe totally inspired me to try out a special yogurt flavor of my own. It tastes pretty indulgent, but isn’t at all; just what I was going for.

Ingredients:

• 6 oz plain Greek yogurt (I used non-fat)
• 2 tbsp Splenda or other sweetener to taste
• 2 tbsp PB2 or peanut flour
• 1 serving peanut butter cookie dough hummus bites

Directions:

• Stir sweetener and PB2 into yogurt until thoroughly combined.
• Crumble cookie dough bites, then fold them into the yogurt mixture.

Servings ~ 1
Calories ~ 258, Fat ~ 6 g, Carbohydrates ~ 24.2 g, Protein ~ 24.9 g

I’m sure that a lot of people would be sketched out by the idea of chickpeas in “cookie dough”, but, like with her Black Bean and Avocado Brownie recipe, I was completely onboard with again substituting beans (in this case legumes) for flour and giving it a go. In an uninformed taste test, Chris admitted that these dough bites did quite closely resemble peanut butter cookie dough. I must add the disclaimer that he knew there was a catch just because of the fact that he came home to a freezer full of cookie dough. He knows me too well to be fooled into thinking that I would actually do anything that awesome.

Adapted from/inspired by The Wannabe Chef via Branny Boils Over.

Per recipe:
Calories ~ 1287, Fat ~ 38.5 g, Carbohydrates ~ 208.5 g, Protein ~ 40.1 g

Per 1/12 recipe:
Calories ~ 107, Fat ~ 3.2 g, Carbohydrates ~ 17.4 g, Protein ~ 3.3 g

At this point I need to make a big decision about my running schedule for the next two months. Chris signed up for a half marathon at the end of March and I need to decide if I am in or not. The race also offers a quarter marathon, but wussing out of the longer race really isn’t my style. I’m thinking 13.1 or nothing. The big question is if I will be ok with running to finish, not running for a PR. I think a realistic expectation would be to finish in 2:10, a far cry from the 1:55 that I would ideally be shooting for.

I also need to think about if I am ok with doing most of my runs on the treadmill. I’m not sure what my running schedule will look like when I go back to work, but I have to imagine that with the short daylight hours and a baby in the mix, the treadmill is inevitable.

Lastly, I think we will be doing a fair amount of travel between now and the race, likely a weekend in New Jersey, a weekend in Los Angeles, another in Northern Michigan, and two weekends traveling to and from Australia. With eight weekends between now and the race and five of them being less than ideal for long runs, I think I may have just reasoned my way out of running a race. I’ll keep you posted.

If Chris actually trained for races, he would have his work cut out for him. I am pretty sure that this was his last run (Chris pictured on the treadmill in the background) on July 22. Maybe Kai and I will just spectate.

Monday: 3 miles, 30:00 (10:00/mi)
Tuesday: 3.1 miles, 30:00 (Avg. 9:41/mi; 10:00/mi base pace w/6 x 1:00 pick-ups @ 8:34/mi)
Wednesday: 3.12 miles, 30:00 (Avg. 9:37/mi; 10:00/mi base pace w/7 x 1:00 pick-ups @ 8:34/mi)
Thursday: 3 miles, 30:00 (10:00/mi)
Friday: 3 miles, 30:00 (10:00/mi w/5 x 2:00 hills @ 6%)
Saturday: rest
Sunday: 4 miles, 40:00 (10:00/mi)

Weekly Total: 19.22 miles
Average Pace: 9:53/mile
January Total: 28.72 miles
YTD Total: 28.72 miles

Our first few days at home with Kai were fairly chaotic and emotionally charged for me. To compound the typical crazy that comes with bringing a baby home for the first time, we were totally unprepared for her arrival. In between springing into action at her every whimper and repeatedly going through the 5S baby troubleshooting checklist, we cleaned out the room destined to be a nursery and within 48 hours had a fully functioning nursery assembled.

After a few days, we finally started to become a bit more relaxed, not letting her cries stress us out so much. I think this was key to improving our baby troubleshooting. It was also important for us to be cognizant of the fact that just because she had her diaper changed or ate fifteen minutes ago those problem were not automatically scratched off of the checklist. Becoming more flexible about that has recently allowed us to sleep in our bed rather than taking turns in the floor of her room. At this point, I would say that we are coping well.

Kai has grown a lot since she came home. She was born weighing 6 lbs 6 oz, was discharged from the hospital weighing less than 6 lbs, was up to 6 lbs 9 oz at her last doctor’s appointment two weeks ago, and is significantly larger than that now.

(Although still not too big!)

Her weight was kind of a big deal when we first left the hospital, we were threatened with having her readmitted if she did not gain weight between being discharged and her first doctor’s appointment four days later. I was extremely nervous about this because at first she had trouble staying awake to eat, so I was not sure that she was getting enough food. This led me to decide that it was best for me to pump milk that we bottle feed her, which is still primarily how she eats. It is pretty inconvenient for me, but making that decision early on seemed like the only responsible thing to do.

As for me, I was very fortunate that Kai’s birth was not an especially traumatic experience relative to how it could have been. I was up walking around that same day and felt good enough the day after we came home to engage in activities like scrubbing the inside of my refrigerator and helping Chris move our sofa.

It took a few days for me to look relatively normal again and maybe a total of two weeks for me to declare my stomach undamaged from pregnancy. When I found out that I was pregnant, a super vain part of me was über concerned that my stomach, which I typically put a lot of effort into keeping reasonably flat, would be destroyed forever.

About two and a half weeks after Kai was born, I felt healed enough to start running again, my first run back was pretty rough though. It was a struggle, but I made it two miles at 10:00/mile, walking for a total of two minutes. In retrospect, I think that first run was worse than it needed to be because I ate my weight in fondant minutes before I hopped on the treadmill, no wonder my stomach was cramping.

Since then, my runs have felt much better. I have begun to incorporate some speed work and hills hoping to get back to where I was pace wise at this time last year. I will also make a point to run with other people more often, in fact, I would have gotten started on that today if it were not for an ice storm last night.

All in all, I feel like Kai is doing great, Chris and I are getting much more proficient at baby care, and I feel back to normal again, lack of sleep notwithstanding. Things are going much better than I could have imagined and so far it has even been kind of fun. [Ok, in the daytime anyway.]

Haha. Yeah right.

I’m not sure if they’ll accept this or not, but it was the best that I could muster and involved restraining her to keep her hands out of her mouth. Pretty wild looking. I swear that she is cuter in person than this photo reflects; this event was pretty miserable for both of us.

The first photo shoot last night with Chris was kind of fun because it was amusing to look at the pictures that we were getting versus what we were trying for. When it seemed like crying was eminent, we gave up for the night.

This morning it was crunch time and I was determined to get a compliant photo, no matter how long it took. I am pretty satisfied with the result except that I had set out on this endeavor in pursuit of a cute picture that fit the bill. Let’s just say that I decided to adjust my expectations after a few minutes.

Now to guess what color eyes she has for her passport application. I think we’re going to list her as a blonde with blue eyes. At this point her hair is definitely blonde, but her eye color is solidly up in the air. Two days ago I was convinced that they were turning blue, but yesterday they definitely looked brownish. No idea yet; I am excited to find out!

Kai’s first international travel experiences should be pretty exciting, but not necessarily in a good, relaxing for Chris and I way. I have to go to Australia again in March and, since I am her only food source, she will be coming too. (Chris will also go to watch her.) Hopefully we are not completely scared off from travelling with a baby after that 16 hour flight from LA to Melbourne because we have signed her up for a jaunt to Paris in April.

These are reckless, irresponsible plans. Hopefully we can get Business Class upgrades for our own sanity.

Go big or go home, right? [I'm sure I'll have some exciting (but not necessarily good) update stories.]

Last night Chris and I went to sleep in the same bed for probably the first time since I left India in November.

‘Normal’ sleep was first inhibited by geographic separation, then by the ensuing jet lag. Finally, just as Chris’ jet lag subsided, Kai arrived.

At first I had delusions that she would sleep peacefully in her crib for four hour stretches with us waking up briefly a few times per night for a quick feeding and diaper change. Unfortunately, reality quickly set in and we found ourselves trading shifts of sleeping on the floor next to Kai’s crib.

We were quick to learn that the best way to get her back to sleep after her not so quick feedings and diaper changes was to catch her before she was fully awake. If her wakefulness progresses to a full-on cry, it can take hours to get her settled down and back to sleep again. Sleeping by her side seemed to be the only way to detect her stirrings soon enough.

From my bedtime until her second wake-up, nightly at precisely 1:20 AM, I slept on the white carpet next to her crib. Each morning, at twenty after one, I tag Chris in for his early morning shift on the floor.

While this system works well, sleeping on the floor is exhausting. I finally had enough of it last night and I decided to take my chances sleeping in bed for a full night with our high tech baby monitor next to my pillow. [Would you believe that it has a remote control camera that can pan the entire nursery and gives a great picture, even in the dark?] It was glorious. I don’t have delusions that it will work out so perfectly tonight, but, for today, I will enjoy the wakeful aftermath of my first full night of bed sleep in nearly a month.

Kai, let’s please do this again tonight!

My first run on Monday was a huge victory. It was so much easier to run with my extra passenger next to the treadmill, not on it.

As the week wore on merely the ability to run was no longer good enough. I began to realize how much work I have to do to get back to where I was at this time last year. Suddenly I have found myself trudging through 10:00 miles with last winter’s 8:xx miles nowhere in sight.

Yep. Back to square one. I guess I have to start somewhere.

Here’s the rundown:

Monday: 2 miles @ 10:00
Thursday: 2.25 miles @ 10:00
Friday: 2.5 miles @ 10:00
Sunday: 2.75 miles @ 10:00 – Finally this does not seem so difficult!

Weekly Total: 9.5 miles
Average Pace: 10:00*
January Total: 9.5 miles
YTD Total: 9.5 miles

*I hate writing this right now, but I’m hoping that in a few months I will be proud of the progress that I have made. In order to appreciate any progress, I probably need to document a starting point.

My story begins yesterday afternoon when, as I failed to mention in my previous post, we stopped to buy beer on our way home from that marathon of errands. Without even needing to ask me what I wanted, Chris went into the store and emerged with a six pack of Wild Blue.

I had been lusting after it for months. Several people have asked me what alcoholic drink I would have first when I was ‘allowed’ to drink again. I always answered Wild Blue, fantasizing about its not so subtle sweetness, bold blue hue, and its perhaps too high 8% ABV. I am fairly certain that it was the last adult beverage I consumed last Spring and I was more than excited for it to be my first post-pregnancy drink.

Perhaps this was my downfall.

I’m not going where you probably think I am. I did not succumb to the whole six pack in all of its 8% ABV glory.

After talking through a pump and dump plan, estimating milk thawing needs [eww], and probably hyping this up way too much, I cracked open a Wild Blue and curled up in my favorite chair in front of a football game.

Some time later, after drinking the neck of the beer, it occurred to me that it did not taste how I remembered. When I told Chris, he of course reminded me that I was, after all, drinking disgusting blueberry flavored beer. What did I expect? Naturally, I expected its blueberry goodness to dance on my tongue, alleviating any guilt that I was feeling over using the precious freezer milk so I could drink alcohol [Seriously, what kind of derelict am I?] and wasting ounces of milk and hours of my time on this whole pump and dump thing.

I decided that beer #1 must be skunked, so I abandoned it, still full to above its label, and opened a fresh one, convinced that it would fulfill my wildest Wild Blue dreams.

No dice. It was still nasty.

I drank that one anyway.

Right. So where did all this get me?

Mostly just feeling let down by an experience that I had built up way too much. Kind of the same feeling that I get after eating frozen pizza or store-bought desserts, but with the added disappointment of wasting 12 ounces of what has become the most important commodity in our household. The milk that is, not the abandoned beer.

The moral of this story is that I need to select my beers much more carefully in the future.